What are some ways to make life easier for a loved family member battling Alzheimer’s Disease?
My grandfather is one of the most remarkable people you will ever meet. He served in World War II, has been an outstanding family man, and a greater role model. He helped me get involved in following sports. He helped raise my siblings and I when our parents worked full-time. Over the years he has been the bastion of strength and wisdom through my family’s ups and downs. In 2004 he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and it has been very difficult for everyone in my family. The man I remember as being so strong and smart as a whip has so much trouble today with memories and dealing with his surroundings.
He is fargone now, and is living on borrowed time. My heart is broken as a result of this illness because soon I will lose one of my best friends in this world. How do I make the rest of his days the very best for him and I despite the degeneration of his illness?
To everyone who as posted an answer here- First of all, I have to say that each and everyone of you has been really classy with your answers. That is greatly appreciated. I’ve cried upon reading each response. The past three years have been really rough for my family and I. Again, if you ever had the chance to meet my grandfather for the first time, you would like him in an instant. He has that quality to make each and everyone in a room feel special and induce smiling.
I only hope I grow up and become half the man he is. I owe everything I have ever learned about sports (especially the NHL and hockey in general) to him.
cme, Blossom, 288, Aurora, (I apologize to anyone I may have missed so far…I will make mention of you in a moment)- thank you very much for the kind words each of you expressed for my family and I.
amdd, sharen d, jmz, Em, yankees 10, Gevera Bert- I also would like to express my graditude for your kindness and your words.
I honestly cannot pick a best answer for this question, because EVERY answer here is great and extremely helpful. I wish Yahoo could give me the option to pick 11 best answers for this question. Thank you everyone for the wonderful answers.
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Live one day at a time.And if he has some old stories to tell listen.Make him comfortable and help out with the care as much as possible.My dad
had the same disease and I know how you feel.It’s like being lost in the past and forgetting even your loved ones.Never let a day go by without telling him you love him.
I’m so sorry to hear that, man. Obviously spend a lot of time with him and the rest of your family. To be honest, I don’t know, dude. All that is coming to mind is how you remember him. You’ve mentioned him a few times in the hockey section and how he got you into sports, which is good. And I’m a bit of a WWII history buff, and always admired WWII veterans, especially the ones who lived past the 20th century. To do that under that much stress in life is really remarkable. To me, he is a warrior of life because he had to go through that and the racial stuff that came with serving for the US during that time and after as well. To live this long after all that to see grandchildren being born….I can’t think of too many people who can put up with that stuff while keeping their heads up with pride and not let those things get to them. I know sure as hell can’t.
Again, I don’t know what to say about spending the rest of his days, but to remember him, and to know that he’s proud to have a headstrong grandson like you. Give your family my best.
Oh, and just an FYI. I read Michael J. Fox’s autobiography and he said that the research in Parkinson’s is less than five years away from a cure. And since Alzheimer’s is a similar neurological disease, he predicts that we’re less than ten years away. I don’t know if this’ll help any, but maybe your grandfather’s case helps in the research somehow, some way.
Ask him to talk about his experiences in the war. You can also introduce your favorite teams to him. You can also watch classic games of your favorite teams with him as well. Talk to him about your favorite players. And be sure to tell him how you feel about him every chance you get. I feel sorry for your grandfather. If there is such thing as a better place, I hope he will end up there.
Hey, Snoop - Your grandfather sounds like a man among men — no wonder you admire him. The thoughtfulness and compassion of your question speaks volumes about what an awesome mentor and role model he is for you. I’m sorry that you’re having to endure this pain and the loss of your best friend. I don’t have any great advice to offer — I wish I did. Just make sure to tell him you love him each and every day — he’ll hear you, I promise. Hang in there. xoxo
Wow Snoop, I’m terribly sorry. Watching your hero deteriorate in person is very difficult. My grandfather was stricken with cancer which metastasized and ended up in his brain. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Spend all the time you can with him!! I found the best way to deal with the enevitable was to surround myself with others going through the same thing. See below…and good luck.
With his strength and wisdom disguised by this debilitating disease, its up to you to realize this is still the same person you have looked up to, admired, for all these years. His character and soul may be less obvious, but still there, they will be there as long as you cherish the memories of a great person.
If I were your grandfather, I would look back on my life and realize my time on the planet is not wasted. I would have lived a full life, into my mid eighties, seen the changes of the world, good and bad, for nearly a century. Most of all, I would take great pride in the fact, that even if he is the only person to express an interest, I had a hand in developing a caring, intelligent, human being. My life is worth while. I’m ready when you are.
I wish you the best, my friend.
J.C.
awww punkin, im so so sorry. im bawling just reading this, i cant even begin to put myself in your shoes. the best advice i can give is to still make it very clear to him how very important he is to you. you may be telling him the same thing over and over, but every time he hears it, he’ll appreciate it. as you mentioned, he’s having trouble dealing with what used to be familiar, so he’ll need someone he knows is behind him and there to help him cope. let him talk when he wants to talk, let him tell you the same story every day, share your important news with him. he’s still going to recognize you as someone he can trust,and he needs that SO much. help him to realize just how very blessed you are to have him in your life.
It’s an awful disease. There isn’t much you can do. Visit him as often as you can, even if he doesn’t seem to recognize you or know you’re there. Show him old pictures, and hang up pictures of things in his room that he once enjoyed. Go along with anything he says-if he thinks you are someone else, agree with him. If he asks for someone dead, tell him that person will be in another day to visit. If he can still do simple tasks, let him fold towels or sort colored buttons or beads so he feels useful. If he can still eat on his own, bring him his favorite foods. If he’s too far gone for any of that, sit and hold his hand and tell him you’re there. You can read to him–books or the newspaper or magazines, whatever he used to like. If he likes animals and the place where he is allows it, bring a (well behaved) family pet in to visit.
So many people dump their AD relatives and never go visit them or care what happens to them. It’s good that you want to spend time with your grandfather.
My heart goes out to you first and foremost.
I know its hard to deal with Alzheimer’s especially when it’s someone so close. I went through the same thing with a Great Uncle who was very close to me.
If your family hasn’t already some sort of supportive living home would probably be best for him. Not to put him in there and forget about him but it will take the strain off your family of having to watch him 24/7. In the later stages people tent to “wander off” if they are physically capable and seem to try to live a previous life with friends and family they had years ago and that can be dangerous. If he is in a home nurses can watch him and keep him busy doing things, you and your family can visit him and he can live out his remaining days in comfort. As difficult as it may be you and your family now need to be that streangth for him that he was for you in previous years. Go talk to him remind him who you are repeatedly throgh out your conversations. He is still that same loving person inside he just may not remember holidays, birthdays and such.
It broke my heart when I had to re-introduce myself to my Uncle more than once in a 5 minute conversation. He thought I was my mother for a while and that hurt bad. After a while I just pretended to be whoever he thought I was just because I could see that glimmer in his eye that used to be there when he would play with me as a child.
He passed in 2000 my graduating year and we dealt with the worst of it during the summer months. As horrible as it my sound we were relieved that he went to a better place. You can never be prepared for these things as much as you expect it. Like I said we were relieved but it was because his suffering was over and we didin’t have to watch him suffer any longer.
I wish you the best of luck and I hope I helped you atleast a little bit. My thoughts are with you, your Grandfather, and your family.
<3 Aurora
Hey. i know what you’re going through. i’m going through it too. my grandmother died, so his whole outlook on it has changed. ever since she went into the hospital, his optimistic view have become very pessimistic, looking at the bad side of it. not even wanting to live anymore. it’s a very sad thing, and it hurts because i once knew him as the happiest man i’d ever met, and my favorite person. i’m very sorry about your grandfather. all that i know to tell you is just be with him. i’ve found that with my grandfather, he becomes more upbeat and rembers better when we have him meet new people (for instance all it takes is a baby in the room and he sees everything as perfect. or if he gets to tell his stories about serving in WWII or falling in the river to people. or tell about photographs to a stranger.) it all really seems to help. so, think about what your grandpa likes. most elderly people like babies and kids (i know mine does!!!). so if your grandpa likes kids, take him to the park, have him read story time at the local library. just try to get him active. if your grandpa likes golf, take him to play a game of golf (you’re sure to meet people there) if he likes football, take him to a football game. just try to get him to do stuff he enjoys. i hope i helped!!!
I understand your pain and wish you every blessing as you care for your grandfather.
I had a grandmother with alzheimers too so I know the experience in some ways (although each one is so unique).
My story may (or mat not) be of assistance to you in your unique situation but I tell it for all it is worth. I did find it difficult at first but in the end I actually found a way to enjoy her changing ways.
I didn’t resist her changes or hold on to my old way of knowing her or relating to her. I didn’t try to pull her back to my perception of reality. I just joined her in her moments. (And perhaps it was made easier for me as I had not really found a way to genuinely connect with her in her old self protective way of being so I wasn’t attached to our old way of relating to each other).
I got to know her in a new way as she dropped all the role playing as a grandmother. Often she would think of me as her cousin and relate to me in that way. I just went with her perceptions whatever they were each time I visited. I
It even became kind of fun…one day we were on a train in India together and there was a man selling oranges. Another time we went to visit my father at kindergarten. All in her imagination of course but in joining her and responding as if it was all real for me too she became more warm and emotionally real to me than she had even been before.
She finally ended up with no voice so I just held her bird like hand as she breathed, praying for her peace and chirping on about nothing much occasionally..
I will never forget the last look she gave me after I told her to go when she wished knowing my love would go with her. She looked me so directly in the eye as I turned back to say my last good bye.
Through Alzheimers we connected in a way that we had never connected before. For my grandmother and I it became a blessing in full disguise as she too seemed to enjoy our flights of fantasy.
May you too find some form of blessing in your suffering and in so doing help him to find a blessing in his changes. May peace be with you and your family throughout.